After some soul searching following last week’s bad news I’ve decided I’m not going to try to get pregnant. It’s with a heavy heart that I have taken the decision that I don’t think I can put myself into the position where I could knowingly face the disappointment of constant failures of IUI cycles, the anxiety of a very high risk pregnancy, or the trauma of losses (esp if these were “late”).
These things could happen to anyone (and I know they have happened for many of you in this group), but I feel like it’s one thing having to cope with an unexpected tragedy and another to deliberately put yourself into that situation. Psychologically I don’t think I’d cope well.
I’d also be worried about the baby being ill due to placental insufficiency in utero (which can lead to low birth weight, premature birth, and birth defects), and I think it’s not fair* to put the potential baby at risk.
[*Disclaimer: this is my personal feeling in my situation, I’m not judging anyone else’s choices or opinions]
That said, I haven’t totally given up on the idea of motherhood in the future – either via surrogacy or adoption.
My doctor has said that, as far as having a biological child goes, gestational surrogacy is the safest option and the most likely to work. So if I am interested in that option he has recommended freezing some eggs now for use with a partner in future (I could only use them on my own if the law changes to allow single parents access to surrogacy)… considering the need to go through “IVF” and cost of freezing the eggs, then the cost of surrogacy in future I’m not sure if this is something I should do. It’s taking a gamble that:
1) I’m going to meet someone and get into a long term relationship VERY soon (i.e. this year), and
2) that we’d be able to afford surrogacy.
I know I don’t want to have a baby after 37/38* (I’m 34 this year) and I’d have to have been with someone 2 years minimum to be able to get a parental order.
[*Again personal choice, no judgement- but desire to have a baby soon was a big part of my decision to go down the Single Mum By Choice route]
So all that taken into consideration I’m wondering if it’s worth it.
Is freezing eggs a very expensive way of leaving a door open based on “false hope” of an unlikely outcome? Would it be better to accept that I’m not going to have a BIOLOGICAL child, grieve, and move on with peace of mind?