1 door closes… how many others should I leave open?

After some soul searching following last week’s bad news I’ve decided I’m not going to try to get pregnant. It’s with a heavy heart that I have taken the decision that I don’t think I can put myself into the position where I could knowingly face the disappointment of constant failures of IUI cycles, the anxiety of a very high risk pregnancy, or the trauma of lossesΒ  (esp if these were “late”).

These things could happen to anyone (and I know they have happened for many of you in this group), but I feel like it’s one thing having to cope with an unexpected tragedy and another to deliberately put yourself into that situation. Psychologically I don’t think I’d cope well.
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Sad, sad, sad πŸ˜’😭😒

On Friday I had a much anticipated appointment with Mr E (my consultant at ACU). The appointment was supposed to be in May, but after the awful gynaecology appointment earlier in April I couldn’t stand the anxiety and brought my fertility consult forward.

Since ACU is in the same NHS hospital I go to for gynaecology  (I’m a self funding patient at an NHS ACU) Mr E had the pictures from the hysteroscopy and my hospital notes. After we’d exchanged pleasantries he immediately said that the hysteroscopy results concerned him…
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Perinatal Mental Health

HappySad FaceSo, I’ve hinted/skimmed over this before but I have a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder. Specifically Bipolar II which is characterised by mainly experiencing periods of depression, and a “milder” form of elevated mood called hypomania – not the full on mania people usually associated with Bipolar.

I’ve been stable for quite a few years now, but Bipolar is a “serious mental illness” (and comes under the psychosis category although I don’t consider myself “psychotic”!!), so it’s something that needs to be considered and managed through out the pre-conception period, pregnancy, and post-partum…
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Possibly changing clinic

I really like the atmosphere at the private Harley Street clinic (a.k.a “The Baby Making Place” or TBMP) I’ve been to so far however, it’s pricey and it’s not really conveniently located from my office. Since I’m going for stimulated cycles I’m going to need monitoring via ultrasound scans and inevitably some of these will fall on work days. Because of this I think it is more practical to chose a clinic that’s nearer to work.

There’s a big NHS hospital very close to my office (which also happens to be the hospital where I was born!!) and they have an Assisted Conception Unit (ACU). Their prices are lower than TBMP – on the procedural side it’s not a massive difference per treatment, but after a few cycles the significance of that “small” amount increases dramatically.
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