So, I got all fired up a while ago about coming back to blogging as I got together with my partner (now husband!) and we embarked on a mission to pursue having a child via IVF.
Once we actually got into the process I didn’t find the time or mental energy for blogging consistently.
We did the ERA test and if showed that my uterus does go into the receptive state, so we moved ahead with IVF and we managed to get 5 blastocyst (5 day old) embryos frozen. 4 embryo transfers later we are still childless.
After some soul searching following last week’s bad news I’ve decided I’m not going to try to get pregnant. It’s with a heavy heart that I have taken the decision that I don’t think I can put myself into the position where I could knowingly face the disappointment of constant failures of IUI cycles, the anxiety of a very high risk pregnancy, or the trauma of losses (esp if these were “late”).
These things could happen to anyone (and I know they have happened for many of you in this group), but I feel like it’s one thing having to cope with an unexpected tragedy and another to deliberately put yourself into that situation. Psychologically I don’t think I’d cope well.
What a difference 13 days can make… or not.
In the last 2 weeks the lining of my uterus has grown by measly 0.6mm.
On Friday I had a much anticipated appointment with Mr E (my consultant at ACU). The appointment was supposed to be in May, but after the awful gynaecology appointment earlier in April I couldn’t stand the anxiety and brought my fertility consult forward.
Since ACU is in the same NHS hospital I go to for gynaecology (I’m a self funding patient at an NHS ACU) Mr E had the pictures from the hysteroscopy and my hospital notes. After we’d exchanged pleasantries he immediately said that the hysteroscopy results concerned him…
Things are getting serious… Donor selected and sperm ordered. Suddenly it all seems so much more REAL, I’m really doing this!!! Eek!
I said I’d post about how I selected my donor so I’ll get onto that ASAP. I am just so excited about having sent this email that I had to say something now!!! ☺☺☺☺😊😊😊
So, I’ve hinted/skimmed over this before but I have a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder. Specifically Bipolar II which is characterised by mainly experiencing periods of depression, and a “milder” form of elevated mood called hypomania – not the full on mania people usually associated with Bipolar.
I’ve been stable for quite a few years now, but Bipolar is a “serious mental illness” (and comes under the psychosis category although I don’t consider myself “psychotic”!!), so it’s something that needs to be considered and managed through out the pre-conception period, pregnancy, and post-partum…