1 door closes… how many others should I leave open?

After some soul searching following last week’s bad news I’ve decided I’m not going to try to get pregnant. It’s with a heavy heart that I have taken the decision that I don’t think I can put myself into the position where I could knowingly face the disappointment of constant failures of IUI cycles, the anxiety of a very high risk pregnancy, or the trauma of lossesΒ  (esp if these were “late”).

These things could happen to anyone (and I know they have happened for many of you in this group), but I feel like it’s one thing having to cope with an unexpected tragedy and another to deliberately put yourself into that situation. Psychologically I don’t think I’d cope well.
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Sad, sad, sad πŸ˜’😭😒

On Friday I had a much anticipated appointment with Mr E (my consultant at ACU). The appointment was supposed to be in May, but after the awful gynaecology appointment earlier in April I couldn’t stand the anxiety and brought my fertility consult forward.

Since ACU is in the same NHS hospital I go to for gynaecology  (I’m a self funding patient at an NHS ACU) Mr E had the pictures from the hysteroscopy and my hospital notes. After we’d exchanged pleasantries he immediately said that the hysteroscopy results concerned him…
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So anxious (not the Ginuwine song! πŸ˜)

I disappeared for a while after my last post (in March) because a) I’ve been doing a lot of waiting, and b) things are not going great. I’m going to do this update in 2 posts because otherwise it’ll be too long!

So… when I saw the Consultant at ACU back in January he gave me a list of things that I need to do before we could go ahead:
1) Get the all clear from my GP and the perinatal mental health team  – [tick]
2) Have the mandatory sessions for implications  counselling (because I’m using donor sperm) and the Welfare of the Child Assessment – [tick]
3) Get my BMI under 30 – [in SLOW progress]
4) Have a hysteroscopy to check for polyps and investigate the health of my womb since my lining is thin – [NIGHTMARE!!!]

The first 2 went without a hitch, but the last two…
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