After some soul searching following last week’s bad news I’ve decided I’m not going to try to get pregnant. It’s with a heavy heart that I have taken the decision that I don’t think I can put myself into the position where I could knowingly face the disappointment of constant failures of IUI cycles, the anxiety of a very high risk pregnancy, or the trauma of losses (esp if these were “late”).
These things could happen to anyone (and I know they have happened for many of you in this group), but I feel like it’s one thing having to cope with an unexpected tragedy and another to deliberately put yourself into that situation. Psychologically I don’t think I’d cope well.
On Friday I had a much anticipated appointment with Mr E (my consultant at ACU). The appointment was supposed to be in May, but after the awful gynaecology appointment earlier in April I couldn’t stand the anxiety and brought my fertility consult forward.
Since ACU is in the same NHS hospital I go to for gynaecology (I’m a self funding patient at an NHS ACU) Mr E had the pictures from the hysteroscopy and my hospital notes. After we’d exchanged pleasantries he immediately said that the hysteroscopy results concerned him…
I disappeared for a while after my last post (in March) because a) I’ve been doing a lot of waiting, and b) things are not going great. I’m going to do this update in 2 posts because otherwise it’ll be too long!
So… when I saw the Consultant at ACU back in January he gave me a list of things that I need to do before we could go ahead:
1) Get the all clear from my GP and the perinatal mental health team – [tick]
2) Have the mandatory sessions for implications counselling (because I’m using donor sperm) and the Welfare of the Child Assessment – [tick]
3) Get my BMI under 30 – [in SLOW progress]
4) Have a hysteroscopy to check for polyps and investigate the health of my womb since my lining is thin – [NIGHTMARE!!!]
The first 2 went without a hitch, but the last two…
I’ve lost 7lbs in 6 weeks of Weight Watchers which isn’t bad (especially considering that includes 3lb I put back on around my “time of the month” then had to lose again the following week, so really I’ve “lost” 10 😉), but I wanted to have lost more by now. Continue reading
I had a great appointment with my GP last Friday morning.
The fertility clinic at the NHS ACU had said they’d need a letter of support from my GP/mental health team as part of the “welfare of the child assessment” so I went to speak to my GP about it. Continue reading
So, I’ve hinted/skimmed over this before but I have a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder. Specifically Bipolar II which is characterised by mainly experiencing periods of depression, and a “milder” form of elevated mood called hypomania – not the full on mania people usually associated with Bipolar.
I’ve been stable for quite a few years now, but Bipolar is a “serious mental illness” (and comes under the psychosis category although I don’t consider myself “psychotic”!!), so it’s something that needs to be considered and managed through out the pre-conception period, pregnancy, and post-partum…