Don’t know what to do.
I spoke to the doctor and while he hasn’t said not to try to conceive; he has said that with my unresponsive uterine lining the chances of conception (implantation) are very low AND on top of that the risks of miscarriage/preterm delivery/Intrauterine Growth Restriction are high. I’m not worried about chances of conception being low; I’m concerned about the risks to the pregnancy and the child, and whether I can knowingly put myself into that condition and cope with the associated stress/emotional consequences.
If I were in a couple, without a doubt the doc would be recommending surrogacy. As a single woman that option is not currently available to me (single people can’t get a Parental Order in the UK, so I’d have to try and adopt my own child – outcome not guaranteed). So he has said I could TTC if I want to because he doesn’t want to “take anything away from me”, therefore it’s my choice what I want to do next when I weigh up the costs both financially and emotionally, knowing I’m going into it with such low chances of success.
Adoption is something I have considered but I think the chances of being approved and matched as an adopter are unlikely for me, not because of being single but because of having health conditions [Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (Hypermobility Type) and Bipolar 2] as well as being single. I think the social workers would have concerns about my ability to care for a child if I had a flare up of illness with no second parent around. I’d be scrutinised on what support network I’d have in place and it would have to be be very different than what I’d planned for having a baby. If I had my own child I’d planned to initially live with my mum and have baby share my bedroom; for adoption I’d have to have a spare bedroom for the child from day one. Of course I am assuming that I would not meet the bar for adoption due to health just because of how strict they are… I don’t know 100%.
So my options are:
1) Try a couple of IUIs with ovulation induction and meds to try and grow the lining – just on the off chance it may work.
2) Try a cycle of “IVF” with a view to freezing eggs/embryos and hoping that I could use them for surrogacy with a partner in future (or on my own if the law changes) – with this option I could also have one embryo transferred on the off chance I get pregnant
3) Accept that I’m not going to be able to have my own baby right now, and investigate adoption further (although adoption here is only from the social care system and the children often have additional physical/mental needs)
4) Accept that I’m not going to able to have any child now. Grieve. And move on.
It’s going to be so hard to make a decision…
8 thoughts on “Where do I go from here? Is it the end of the road?”
Such an incredibly tricky decision to make! Try to take some ‘down-time’ and ‘you-time’ to help with the decision making. All the best for this long rocky road, it sure is a crap position to be in ❤ xx
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That is really tough and I wish you luck with your decision. The one thing I’d say is I know someone who adopted as a single mother in the UK. Her child was older (I think 6 or 7) and as far as I know didn’t have significant trauma although obviously they wouldn’t necessarily publicise it. Whatever you do, I am wishing you all the best. X
Thanks hun. I had thought that if I adopted I’d maybe go for an older child rather than a baby (since by the time I prepared everything house-wise etc I’d be a few years older). I just really don’t think I’d get approved 😢
Well… My friend who adopted is in her 40s and single. I know others who adopted in their 40s, older kids (think they were 2 and 4). The things our council are most bothered about are smoking I think! I was kind of surprised they got approved (not because they shouldn’t have been but because I thought it would be really strict). It varies from different councils though. Either way I hope that you can figure out a way through. X
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Thanks. When I said I didn’t think I’d get approved I meant because of my medical conditions, not because of age
Ah, I’m sorry to hear that. I hope whatever happens you manage to find a way through and have a child. It is so tough. X
You have a difficult decision to make and I can’t possibly know how you feel but I want to wish you the best.
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Thank you x