Last week I had my NHS ultrasound (still no signs of ovulation) and then went to see my GP to discuss the results of the consultation at the private fertility clinic. In the 5 days between the fertility clinic consultation and seeing my GP I’d been doing some serious thinking about whether this really is the time to go ahead with “Operation Baby”.
I’d always said that I wanted to TTC before I got to an age where I’d be likely to need medical intervention, whether that be conceiving with a partner or through donor insemination, hence I’d had age 35 in mind as the “cut off”. Having just turned 33 I’d been thinking I’d probably try to get a deposit together to buy a house/flat next year, spend a few months settling in, and then TTC just before or just after 35. I’d never imagined that medical intervention, actual fertility treatment, would be required at age 33. But here I am faced with that exact situation.
Here I am, just shy of a month after my 33rd birthday, and I have made the bold and wonderful decision to become a “Single Mother By Choice” (SMBC) a.k.a “Choice Mum”.
This is a decision I have had in the back of my mind for years. I always wanted a family while I was young so I envisioned myself getting married and having kids in my mid-20s – 2, maybe 3 – and if that doesn’t work out I’ll go to a sperm bank or adopt a baby when I’m 30. I had it all planned out. But life doesn’t give a toss about what you have planned. So, when my mid-20s came and went, and that plan hadn’t worked out, I thought “no worries” I’ll just re-plan. I wasn’t ready to give up on the idea of a husband and happily ever after, so I decided to give myself more time “If I am still single at 35 then I’ll go to a sperm bank” (I felt adoption was ruled out by a medical condition but more on that later).
The part of my new plan I didn’t count on was my biological clock starting to tick so LOUDLY so early.