So anxious (not the Ginuwine song! ðŸ˜)

I disappeared for a while after my last post (in March) because a) I’ve been doing a lot of waiting, and b) things are not going great. I’m going to do this update in 2 posts because otherwise it’ll be too long!

So… when I saw the Consultant at ACU back in January he gave me a list of things that I need to do before we could go ahead:
1) Get the all clear from my GP and the perinatal mental health team  – [tick]
2) Have the mandatory sessions for implications  counselling (because I’m using donor sperm) and the Welfare of the Child Assessment – [tick]
3) Get my BMI under 30 – [in SLOW progress]
4) Have a hysteroscopy to check for polyps and investigate the health of my womb since my lining is thin – [NIGHTMARE!!!]

The first 2 went without a hitch, but the last two…

In early March the weight loss was making progress. I lost 7lb (half a stone/3kg) in my first 6 weeks of following the plan at Weight Watchers, and I was very proud to get my “silver 7”. I was also on track to meet my 5% goal well within the required 12 weeks. Then I  had the hysteroscopy… my head was not in the game, emotional eating set in, and since then I’ve put on then lost the same 4lb twice 😐. I’m now frantically trying to lose 7lb in 2 weeks in order to get another set of 12 NHS WW vouchers.

So, what happened at the hysteroscopy that threw me off track?

When the nurse inserted the camera (through the cervix into the uterus) I asked her if it was in black & white! The uterus is a vascular area, and I was about a week away from my period so we should have been seeing a reasonably thick pick/red lining… not a great start.

The good news was that the polyp they thought they’d seen on my last ultrasound wasn’t really there. There was also no scarring or any other “damage” to the uterus. The bad news was that the lining was very thin and very white, most likely indicative of poor blood supply. It was also so thin that she (the nurse) wasn’t sure if the sample of tissue she took for the biopsy was sufficient, or whether it would turn out to actually be mainly cells from the cervix.

So I left the gynaecology minor procedures clinic with the knowledge that I had also  (most likely) blood starved uterus, and that I’d have to wait a week for the biopsy results (if they were able to test the sample).

A week later I got the report in the post. The biopsy had been possible and all of the cells were normal, however the lining of my womb was described as “atrophic”. With that image of having a shrivelled and dying womb lining (that’s what “atrophic” made me see in my head), I had a 4 week wait to see go to the gynaecology consultant’s clinic (i.e. see a real doctor) with only Dr Google to continue scaring my wits out of me. [Now you see where the emotional eating came in].

On 10th April I finally saw the gynaecologist. I saw a young junior doctor and some of the things she said (probably in an effort to reassure me) really wound me up. As I had expected, because my hormone levels are perfect, I’m now ovulating regularly and my body tries to have a period (there’s just hardly anything to come out) as far as they are concerned there’s “nothing wrong”. There’s no damage to my womb so it’s “healthy” even if the lining is thin. She actually said it’s “good news”, and after conferring with the consultant, told me that they’re not going to do anything.

I asked if there was ANYTHING they could try because I want to try asked nd conceive. That’s when she said I “shouldn’t have any problem”, and that’s when I was convinced that she has no idea what she’s talking about! A thick and healthy lining is necessary for an embryo to implant!!

So I left that appointment unsurprised but disheartened/pissed off that they weren’t going to do anything; and very anxious to speak to the fertility doctor and get a properly educated opinion on where we could go from here.

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